BERTO AT PEDRO

Pedro: Saan ka galing p're?

Berto: Sa sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.

Pedro: Bakit puro kalmot ang mukha at braso mo?

Berto: Mahirap ilibing eh, lumalaban!

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nursery??

Nursery: mam, pag-pinaghalo po ba ang tide at ariel, bubula po ba?
Teacher: Oo nman, Bkit?
Nursery: wla lng po (sbay Bulong sa katabi) "adik si mam, wla pa ngang tubig, excited bumula=======sayang ng tuition natin dito..

hahahahahah mga batang 2 dami alam..hahahahaha
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Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan ktang nanunuod ng TV?!
Inday: becoz i don't want you to see me
doing absolutely nothng ...
Hahahahahaha!
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Ang Madamot

Juan:Uy,anu yan pinya?pahingi naman oh

Pedroahingi?nasan ka nung nagtatanim ako
nasan ka nang nagpapakahirap ako nasan ka nun?

Juan:Nakulong kasi ako nakapatay ako ng madamot

Pedro:Ay ganun,kawawa ka naman kuha ka na
may papaya pa sa banda doon gusto mo kuha kita?

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Iisa lang ang kalaban ng.

Tide, Surf, Ariel, Mr.Clean, Champion, etc.
Pampers Comfort, EQ, Huggies, etc.
Pantene, Sunsilk, Rejoice, Vaseline, Head n Shoulders, Clear, etc.
...Nido, Lactum, Bearbrand, Alaska, Bonakid, etc.

Alam niyo kung ano?

BRAND X.

WAHAHAHAHA !

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1 cup of rice = 205 calories.

Want to burn these calories?

To burn 205 calories, you could do any of the following: 2

57 mins of walking
23 mins of jogging
17 mins of swimming
31 mins of cycling

hahahaha

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( SA ISANG TV STATION )

ANNOUNCER:Magandang gabi po lolo mananawagan po ba kayo?

LOLO: Oo amang!

ANNOUNCER:Ilang taon na po ba kayo?

LOLO: 98 na ako amang!

ANNOUNCER:wow ang tanda nyo na pero malakas pa rin ,,,o sige po manawagan na kayo!!

LOLO: Hello LOLO kung saan ka man naroon umuwi kana,Di na galit si daddy sayo at Si LOLA miss ka na daw nya at namin....we love you so much...

hahahaha

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Host : Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?
Contestant : Carole KING?
Host:Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant : Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant : BISHOP Bacani?
Host : Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant :Johnny MidNIGHT ?
Host : Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant : Jerry PONS?
Host : Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant : Sylvia laTORRE!

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"PLANTS VS. ZOMBIE LOVE STORY"

ZOMBIE: why do you keep on striking me with your peas that will eventually shoot me to death when i only wanted to be near you?

PEASHOOTER: because you are only interested with my brain. How about my heart?ö

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VALUABLE LESSONS FROM OUR PARENTS

All the things my mother taught me:
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
FLEXIBILITY - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - Stop acting like your father!"
What my father taught me:
LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."
IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry out."
OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!"
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"